The Barbies of San Diego

A coworker sent me this and it is just too darn funny I have to post it. The list is a bit long so I chose my favorites. To all you San Diego County residents, enjoy. To those who do not live in San Diego County, read and learn.

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego, California area market:

Rancho Bernardo Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with a Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Oceanside Barbie - This recently paroled, tattooed & nose pierced Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a ready lifted desert/river Chevy truck with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash - preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about.

Vista Barbie - The upgrade from O'side Barbie. Married Camp Pendelton Ken and now tries to raise 3 kids under age 8 while husband is deployed in Iraq. Available in White, Black and Samoan.

Del Mar Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Optional children available only after a visit with Plastic Surgeon Ken.

Santee Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in a shirt, and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's back side when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

La Jolla Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach house. Percocet prescription available.

Lakeside Barbie - This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and asee-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Leucadia Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long, straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any WholeFood's Market.

Poway Barbie - She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away working. The only Barbie with anorexic male children because they wrestle for Poway High.

Hillcrest Barbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on"parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag sticker with proof of purchase, along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.

Carlsbad Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new LaCosta Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Southeast Barbie - This Ghetto Queen comes with optional 'baby-daddy' car and pop-out baby seats. This barbie comes standard with a set of press-on nails and ponytails in various lengths. Don't mess with the breezie. She has a strong attitude and a mouth to prove it. This barbie also comes with optional girlfriends to help you do drive-by's to find out if Ken is out with some other hoochie.

East County Barbie - Was a cheerleader in middle school but now only rides with Desert Rat Ken in his California lifted Ford F-150, complete with white unfinished flair fenders, bed floor removed for spare tire holder, and no carburetor. F-150 can only be purchased by parents who live in Alpine. Both come with optional Weed from Harbison Canyon and/or barbed wire tattoo. Will party in the desert all through her 20s and then finish her AA at Grossmont College when she's 35.

Temecula Barbie - Desperately wants to be part of San Diego Barbie collection but can't afford a house in SD. But she does actually own a house with Commuter Ken. Ken knows I-15 like the back of his hand as he spends 4 hours a day driving to and from work.